In the fall of 2002, the University of Virginia had only the beginnings of its current large, strong, thriving SD Program.  SDUVA co-founder and future SDCN Program Director Priya Parker was moderating a dialogue group with fellow student Erin-Marie Burke.  This group, composed of 12-15 U-Va. students from diverse backgrounds would prove to be very successful in its pursuit of social action, so we have decided to share a little about its path with you here, all in the context of the five stages of Sustained Dialogue.

Stage two was a very important one in the life of our group, and a very volatile one.  I remember at first the slight discomfort I felt when we all sat around a table in a classroom on the first floor of Cabell Hall.  No one knew anyone else and I, for one, was a little bit intimidated.  We didn't know when it was and wasn't ok to talk, we hadn't figured out what the "story" was behind our other group members.  We just didn't know.

But before long, we began to loosen up, and the dialogue started to be really interesting.  We talked all about the one subject everyone was an expert in--our own stories--and immediately began to click.  The group meetings were, for me, very important--time not to be missed.  I can remember on one Wednesday night literally running from an exam to my group meeting--already in progress--and being so worried I was missing something important.

There were a couple of very important turning points in the conversations and the process for our group.  These things at the time seemed very subtle but were, I know now, quite important.

First was when we moved out of Cabell and into a more comfortable environment--someone's living room.  This made the dialogue so much less academic and more personal--it was wonderful.  Also, it allowed us to see one another as people.  We were, after all, meeting in each other's homes.

Second was the potluck.  The potluck was probably the single most important thing our group did.  Not probably--definitely.  We decided to get together in our off week for a social activity, and our best idea was to have all of the group members bring a food that somehow represented them to the sorority house of one of our members.  Once we arrived, we all sat around a really long table, shared the food we brought (I took Apple Pie, Danny brought Gefilte fish, Jordan brought chocolate) and then told embarassing stories.

What did I learn about SD from this experience?  The group that laughs together, stays together.  At this point, we as participants were completely invested in our group--in our friends.  We eagerly planned other activities, and leapt at the opportunity to interact with one another.  It totally changed our group identity--you might even say it created it.

The third tranistion moment came second semester when someone shared a story:

"I remember first year when they had the party in the AFC for all the new students.  I walked inside, and immediately I noticed that all the white students were in the front of the room, and all the black kids were in the back.  It was like right then and there I had to choose which was going to by MY U-Va."

This is when we identified our problem--when we moved into Stage 3.

That didn't mean the personal stories (and the tears and emotions that came with them) stopped.  In fact, it was after this point that a minority student reported being attacked.  Our conversations about that event--and the subsequent reactions--certainly took us back into stage 2 for a period.  However, we pressed on and developed a plan:  we would address these divisive issues with the first years, and give them the option that we felt didn't exist for us--the option to NOT choose the front or the back of the AFC, to NOT choose our friends based on their race/ethnicity the first week of school, and to NOT be boxed in by our choices for the rest of our college careers.

Then, in late spring, we hit stage four: so what power do we have?  What obstacles will we face?  After meeting with Deans and administrators in the Residence Life department, we realized quickly that there were a lot of things we could NOT do.  We could not have a program for every single 1st year and we could not do something big at orientation and we could not mandate group meetings in all first year dorms.  So what could we do?

We finally settled on a plan towards the end of the school year:  we would start a first-year only SD group--a pilot program.  This was our stage five action. We decided that what we could best do to serve our school would be to provide a space that didn't exist anywhere else where first years could go through their experience as freshmen together not because they came from the same background or were having identical experiences, but because they didn't and they weren't.  We approached the SD leadership, were approved, and set to work....

....over the summer.

It wasn't until the fall of the next school year that we saw our action take hold in U-Va's community.  Last year, though, there were 3 or 4 first year only dialogue groups, and this year the program is continuing.  We can all say that we took part in changing the way students interact, in having a positive effect on the student climate at our school, and hope that it will continue to endure in our absence.

Our group built bonds that lasted beyond college and left behind a legacy that will hopefully last beyond us.  It was rewarding, fun, and an experience filled with personal growth that I am sure will never stop having an effect on my life.

-Narrative written by Clark Herndon, participant in the group his 2nd year at the University of Virginia, eventual moderator, student leader, and SDCN Program Director